Separate Ego From Emotions

Internalizing frustration has always been a weakness of mine. I pride myself as being a transparent person where people always know where they stand, but unfortunately have come to the conclusion that this is not the correct approach in corporate America. It isn’t that I will ever not be authentic, but being transparent when frustrated has caused me more problems than good.

This is because I consider myself an A player. I work hard, am creative, and pride myself on doing what I say I am going to do with follow through. So I get frustrated when C and D players tell me they are going to do something and then do not hold true to their word. However, holding those individuals accountable has resulted in them becoming defensive. Because I believe in the “Golden Rule” I would anticipate they step up and overcome, but again because they are C and D players they instead retreat.

This blog is not about who is right and who is wrong, as I only care about one thing which is winning and being successful. Since this issue has occurred more than once it is critical that I change my ways to adapt to a softer approach that may hinder progress, but will be less problematic in a corporate structure.

So I started reading Master Your Emotions by Thibaut Meurisse. In this book it talks about identifying your emotions and separating them from what you are feeling and your ego. If you can’t tell from the beginning of this blog, I have an ego, and because I believe in myself and the ability to get things done I get frustrated when others do not provide commitment and production on the things that they say they are going to do. However, I am sensitive and sympathetic to the other things going on in individuals life and job roles. So when I read this book it hit me hard that I was not personally frustrated with my colleague, but instead it was my ego that was hurt and caused me to express my frustration.

Now when I feel frustration coming on, I try to identify the feeling before reacting. If the frustration is tied to my ego (which the majority of the time it is), I try to absorb and suppress it. Why do I do this and why is this still found to be healthy? Because as mentioned before, my primary goal is to win and be successful. So if I know that expressing frustration is going to hinder the desired outcome, then internalizing and finding another path to success is optimal. My ego will ultimately be satiated by accomplishing the goal. Being that my goal is to make all people around me as successful as possible, I am willing to compartmentalize my ego for the greater good of myself and my colleagues.

So the next time you feel a strong emotion in business, and maybe even in personal life, ask yourself if it is a true emotion or is it your ego? If it is your ego, then ask yourself what strategy you should take to accomplish your long term goal? Because it may not be to gratify your ego in the short term.